Illusion of Control

Hello, my name is Trae, and I’m a control freak.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. And, last Friday night, I realized just how badly I was in need of intervention. It was a little after 11pm, and Brad and I were FaceTime-ing with Logan. It was Saturday 9am Dubai time, so Logan was getting ready to head out for a day full of exploring. He was telling us about all the adventures he had planned. It sounded exciting until…

He dropped the bomb. “Oh, by the way, my cell phone isn’t working.”
He might as well have said, “Terrorists have taken up residence in the hotel where I’m staying,” because it would have produced about the same level of reaction from his momma, control freak poster child.
Seriously, my child (who does happen to be 22 years old, but let’s not let small rational details like that get in the way), is halfway around the world in some country where I’ve never been, surrounded by other countries with known terrorists and political upheaval. I don’t know the name of the hotel where he’s staying or one single person in the office where he’s working. With his one small announcement, I began having flashbacks to the movie Taken – only worse… my child is not in Paris! He’s in the Middle East for crying out loud.
I can’t really remember much of the rest of the conversation. I think my brain took leave when my emotions were highjacked. I do recall immediately googling to see if there is an Apple store in Dubai. There is one – praise God! – at the Mall of the Emirates, and I told Logan to get there… NOW! … never mind that it was barely 9am. Once we were off FaceTime, I then promptly checked the FedEx website to see how much it would cost to overnight a phone to Dubai. Well, overnight wasn’t exactly an option, but I could FedEx International Priority for $112 bucks. Not one to leave any option unexamined, I also checked airline flights and seriously considered just getting on a plane myself and bringing him a phone.
I was a wreck! I could imagine every horrible thing going wrong, and I wouldn’t even know because HE DIDN’T HAVE A PHONE! I got down on my knees and I begged with God. I pleaded. I’m pretty sure I even politely demanded – something to the effect of, “God, you have to make that phone work!”
And, as surely as I kneeled there begging, I remembered a verse… 2 Corinthians 12:9, “… My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” (NLT)
Logan didn’t need a cell phone. God’s grace is enough.
I didn’t need to cling to the illusion of control. God’s grace is enough.
In every circumstance. In every situation. In every relationship. In every trial. God’s grace is enough.
Of course, that’s if I will let it be enough. It is a choice. A conscious decision. Blatant and bold trust. It’s letting go of the illusion of control and admitting my weakness. Admitting I need God. Acknowledging I’m nothing without Him. It’s not a guarantee that everything will work out perfectly. It’s a firm belief that no matter what happens, God’s grace will be sufficient.
Even when time and time and time again God has proven to me just how trustworthy He is, I still fall into the trap and cling to the illusion of control. But, I’ve taken the first step and admitted I have a problem. I am weak, but He is strong!
Hello, my name is Trae, and I believe God’s grace is enough.
PS – The cell phone did start working later that same day. God is so good!
PSS – Sometime soon thereafter came the announcement that Logan had booked a trip to Fujayrah for scuba diving, and he thought he might stay overnight there. He’d found “a cheap hotel” for $20 a night. A hostel actually. Let me say again. Hello, my name is Trae, and I believe God’s grace is enough. Logan is testing me just to make sure I really believe it. I do.

2 thoughts on “Illusion of Control”

  1. That Logan is “powered up!”

    I just read an fb posting: “Do not be afraid” (or “fear not”) is written 365 times in the Bible – every day of the year is covered.

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